Hay Day, healing and heat exhaustion ☀️

It's too hot and everything hurts! Have spent the last couple of weeks at war with my fibromyalgia, swinging between being forced to rest and manically trying to do all the things the second I can move again, currently resting on the bed with the air con blowing at me because E is convinced heat exhaustion is the reason I keep going faint and wobbly 🙃 PIP assessment is in a couple of weeks and somehow despite needing Eileen every time I leave the house atm (that's what my walking stick is called, because without her I fall 🤣) I still can't accept that this is a disability and im slowly losing my independence... a couple of years ago I was full time plumbing and loved it and now I can't even survive a trip to aldi on my own half the time and I hate it so much 

Have been ignoring the pain and working on the garden a lot, we have some of the decking done now so it's nice to have a place to sit! Really want to finish it by the end of the summer, I've wanted a pretty garden to sit in for years and have finally made a plan! Just need to finish measuring bits and drawing it up on the laptop but the excitement of planning it keeps me going some days and gives my brain a creative way to stay busy! 

All the rest is giving me lots of time to play Hay Day again, it's still one of my favourite games but part of me is sad that A can't play it with me anymore, I miss him so much and it still hurts every day 10 years later 💔 E said it's really not his kind of game when I begged him to make one, if anyone ever reads this and wants to be friends my game tag thing is #ULL02PRV 🐸 the background noise of it is strangely calming to me at this point! 

In other news I've seen my family and started talking to them a little bit, the funeral really did bring everyone together in a way I wasn't expecting... (cant believe that was 2 whole months ago) I was planning to write a post about it but was so emotionally drained after it, between that and going on holiday and yet another funeral plus work drama and my body being dumb I went into a deep depression spiral and forgot, maybe will write about that soon? 

I feel like the old old me is starting to come back, I actually feel happy to be alive and its weird?? I even went out wearing a dress the other day - not a short needs leggings under it kind - an actual knee length stripy sun dress and didn't feel the need to hide myself because of it? PTSD is wild, of all the random things that fucked me up the dress/skirt situation was one of the worst 😂 I've spent the last 10 years wearing nothing but jeans and hoodies trying to make up for it but it's like I've got a new kind of confidence from somewhere? I'm now excited to get dressed in the morning (shout out to the Indyx app for making that so much easier to remember things exist!) I've even got lots of sewing plans again, 18 year old me desperately wanted to be a plasterer and a dressmaker so will do my best to make her proud! Maybe miracles will happen and I'll be able to do some plastering too, my house definitely has a need for it 😂

Should probably put some of this enormous washing pile I'm lying on away before more things need ironing, will be back when I remember!

K🍦x