Climbing, horses and tears in Tesco

It feels like my head is finally starting to feel better and heal from some of the mess of the last 15 years, like the old me is coming back to life! I've started watching Heartland, it was my favourite/joint favourite book series when I was younger (other was princess diaries) and accidentally found it on the TV! One of the channels randomly switches between reruns of stuff, it was Teletubbies for ages  and one day changed to this 😂 all over the place brain is now desperate to go horse riding, i remember loving it the time I went as a child! Animal smells and dirt have never bothered me, i loved spending summers on the farm and miss it so much 💔 I get so attached to memories and the past and hate things changing but I'm slowly - really slowly 🐌 - learning how to let things go

I've also started listening to old Taylor Swift and listing all the things I loved back then and making plans to do them again soon and I feel lighter somehow?

In other news I had my first panic attack in public for a very long time today, we ended up in the worlds most backwards fucked up Tesco where the freezers were by the fridges and candles and tea towels are in the middle and so many drinks aisles but still couldn't find the squash and loud music and kids screaming and SO many people, by the time we got to the checkout with our basket of stuff i had my hoodie over my ears and ended up running to the van while E paid, I didn't think anyone had noticed me in the overall chaos but a lovely lady that worked there told him about the box of stuff for people that struggle with that kind of thing, might need to borrow the ear defenders if we go there again! Things like that make me realise my mental health nurse probably has a point with the possible autism, I like to do my shopping in the same place now I've found which one is best for me - it needs to have the right range of stuff in stock, a car park that doesn't stress me out and be easy to find stuff in even when busy! There's a very limited range of supermarkets near me that fit that and if its not one of my safe ones it takes so much more brain energy 😭

I also went bouldering for the first time properly in 3ish years, hypermobile hands were not made for that but it's a start on building my strength back to where I was a few years ago 😆 had a look at the gym there too, it has a small collection of free weights that seem much less scary than the ones at my proper gym so maybe I'll turn into one of the fitness girlies that know stuff haha when I've got my grip strength sorted I also need to have another go at aerial yoga, it was really fun when I tried it in Turkey but also wasn't the best thing for how sick I was! 

And our total collection of stuff from the Electric center trade day is:

19 pens 

3 pencils

9 keyrings (bottle openers, meter cupboard keys, trolley coins)

1 coffee cup that may or may not be dishwasher safe (only one way to find out 🤣)

2 pairs of super grippy gloves which are accidentally perfect for netball

1 giant t shirt 

2 pop up stool things 

Various multi tool blades 

A bag 

And they had super chocolatey biscuit things which by some miracle I did not get on my top 🥳

I should be asleep, the tablets are finally kicking in!

K x